Bat, man.

A true Halloween horror story...

So last night after the Trick or Treating and quite a haul by the boys, I'm laying down and watching a movie on the couch at about 11:00 when I notice something fly by out the corner of my eye. "That's an awfully big moth or butterfly," I thought. Then it flew by again. It was no moth...

I jumped off the couch, realizing that there was A BAT FLYING AROUND IN MY HOUSE!!! It was circling around the family room and kitchen, near the ceiling, so I did what any normal person would do: came completely unglued.

Grabbing a pillow from the couch to use as a makeshift shield, I turned on all the lights (because I figured bats don't like lights, right) ran to the patio door and opened it up, hoping the bat would just fly out and go back to eating insects and stuff outside.

After a few minutes it was fairly obvious that the bat wasn't going to leave on its own, so mustering the courage of the cowardly lion (pre-wizard) I went back into the house and tried to direct the bat out the door with my pillow-shield.

That didn't work either and after a few more laps, the bat - who may have been more panicked than I was, if that's possible - flew straight into the wall and slid down to the floor behind a wicker basket full of some of the boys' toys.

I approached cautiously, half-expecting Nosferatu to emerge from behind the basket, and saw the little fella laying motionless on the floor. Not sure if it was still alive, I went out to the garage to get a stick - cuz, y'know, the best way to determine the next step in an emergency situation like this is to poke something with a stick.

After nudging it a couple times I figured that the poor little guy was either unconscious or was now a bat who had ceased to be. So I then started trying to move it away from the baseboard so I could get into a container of some sort to get it out of the house... and that's when it hissed at me. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure it was wearing a tiny cape.

Now fearing that this thing might find its way upstairs where everyone else was asleep, or that the dog might get involved (up to this point, he seemed fairly uninterested in what was going on) I made the command decision to end the standoff with force.

Getting my trusted Louisville Slugger (c. 1990 Wade Boggs signature model, 33 in, 32 oz.) from the garage, and after taking a moment to appreciate the irony of using a bat, I did what I needed to do with no small amount of regret. The bat didn't do anything wrong, but since the dog is the only member of the family who has been vaccinated against rabies, I felt like I'd given it enough chances to end things peacefully. Besides, I think it may have hurt one of its wings in the collision with the wall. Makes me feel a little better to think that was the case anyway.

It was a quick and, I hope, painless end for our unexpected Trick (definitely no Treat) followed by an unceremonious interment in an empty Double Dave's pizza box.

But the story doesn't end there. After retelling the harrowing tale to my wife this morning, she thought it would be best to call Animal Control to have them check the bat for rabies, so they came out to collect the specimen for testing. Apparently, bats that small can bite you without you even knowing it with their small, needle-like tee- er, fangs. Great.

So now I'm faced with waiting for a call back from Animal Control and potentially a date with a needle, something which I look forward to about as much as I would to confronting ten more bats tonight. On top of that, I have no idea how long that sucker (get it?) was in here. We keep the door open when the weather is nice so the dog can come and go as he needs at night sometimes, so while I would think we would have seen it before last night if it had been in the house for more than a day, who knows?

Man, I really hope that rabies test comes back negative.

Happy Halloween!